eAr Desarm aRle?

It was too vivid. Or should I say, selectively. Was it a task or a mission? Either ways, we were all too preoccupied with moving around the place in our pickup, searching for clues or information to help us during the day, while cracking our heads back home with whatever resources we have gathered, during the night. Oops, I lied again; I don't even remember what we were searching for, my mind was only on her.

Four of us, including her and I. But I have not faint recollection who the other two were anyways. I do not even remember the gender of the fourth. Talk about bad partners, but I could not care less.

It was too vivid. I could still remember her melodious voice, and the warmth of her back on mine as we sat on the floor, resting on each other. The way she gazed into my eyes, her mind clearly fixed on me. The way she wanted to blurt out what she had, but held back with a distinct shyness, unsure if the time was right.

And then she confessed. She took the first step. Oh, what a dream come true! I do not know how many beats my heart had skipped in that moment, but it sure did feel like a hell of a lot. It's an addiction. A lit match on my dopamine and serotonin receptors. I have never done drugs or smoked weed, (FBI please do not come after me) but I am pretty sure that is exactly how it must have felt.

Of course, I returned the confession. How could I not.

It was all still real awkward all the way. I mean go ahead and blame us for being normal, unlike Hollywood "glamourised" relationships that hardly even last two whole minutes. Most of the time spent after the incident was thinking of her and wanting to cuddle with her so badly.

How could it not be real, it felt so real!!

Agony

The worst relationships you have with others are those you know right from the start that they won't work out.

The tragedy of seeing all the walls you built up together, ultimately becoming the divider that separates. The futility of effort that both of you contribute, and yet have some mutual understanding that it is all but filthy rags.

And yet almost comically, on the flipside the best relationships you have with others are those you know right from the start that they won't work out.

Because right off the bat it gives you the opportunity to experiment in ways you would otherwise not be able to. It gives you space to be yourself, and to see what is the right thing that works for you.

And somehow there is a romantic youthful vibrancy into it.